Hope You Can Still Laugh-Shelter in Place Quotes

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem. 

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on ‘Wheel of Fortune’. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

PSA:  Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.  It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog and we laughed a lot.

So, after this quarantine ... will the producers of ‘My 600 Pound Life’ just find me or do I find them?

Quarantine Day 5:  Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.  I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda.  I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".  I'm offended.